last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
