i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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