If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
