You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
