why do cheetos always look like penises
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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