i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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