Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
