Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so let's talk penis.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I need a burrito and a hug.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
