hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
