He disabled his match.com account in front of me
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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