Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
