wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
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