did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
The ass gains better be worth it
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