He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm really busy with my period
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