I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i would punch a child for taco bell
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
