I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
smell my finger.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
