i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
