White coat. Heels.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
