dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
