I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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