One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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