I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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