he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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