I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
it's like heaven, but drunker
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
