3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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