So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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