I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
