Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
