I am in a vortex of obligation.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
They have beer where we have blood.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
