Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
