rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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