there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
