I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
