I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
