There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
