So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
