"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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