there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
did i walk over a car last night?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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