She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
