You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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