Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
