guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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