In the future we'll all be gay
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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