he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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