Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
