I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
