We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
