I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
