Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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