So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
