I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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