i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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