Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
