the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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