I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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