so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
