I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
