You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
